Krackow – Poland – Hmmm . . .

Krackow – Poland – Hmmm . . .


Here is a short account of one of our blog contributor’s short sabbatical in Krackow, Southern Poland. It’s a far cry from the Asian escorts scene in West and Central London and only a brief insight into the weird and wonderful world of Polish escorts.

Sent in by Johnny (also featuring his mate Sammy).

Rule number one: when considering entertaining an escort in your hotel room: Check with the actual receptionist who will be on duty when your chosen young lady arrives. I think you can guess what I am going to say next. Although prostitution is legal in Poland (with the exception that brothels with more than three girls are illegal). This seems to create the dynamic that girls have to either walk the streets, which is not ideal as believe you me, it’s bloody freezing, have their own apartments, or do outcalls using the sevices of an escort agency. All in all, not a lot different from the UK.

Obviously I had the misfortune to book a hotel which was totally dedicated to large parties of students and on my first night, my escort that I ordered from an online local agency was promptly sent packing by the receptionist. I had the rules that strictly outlined their policy regarding guests thrust at me and I had to pay  her and send her back from whence she came, No big disaster as an outcall is only £60 for one hour. Shame was, she was a right cracker and I did not get to sample her delights.

A Change of Hotel was Necessary

I spent the next morning searching for a more liberal hotel which I thought I had found. I even asked the receptionist on duty if it was ok to bring a young lady to my room in the evening. Unbelievably, there was a different member of staff on duty in the evening and she sent the same girl away!!! What a bitch!!! This particular Polish girl must have been loving me for collecting all the money without having to actually do anything. This could only happen to me . . . .

One more try I thought to myself. By the way, the escort agency that I used was Happy and the name of the girl who was making all the money by just turning up was named Monika. Most of the girls on the website are of the more mature variety. There was even one there who was 47!!! Definitely not the same dynamic with Asian escorts in London where most of the Oriental escorts can get away with taking ten years off their actual age and get away with it. It was third time lucky and at last I was able to spend some gentleman’s leisure time with the lovely Monika. 

Her service was actually much better than some of the Eastern European escorts I had tried in the past.Maybe they are happier and more comfortable to work within the confines of their native countries. The price was only £60 for one hour so I treated myself to two hours and had an amazing time. This agency has girls from all over Europe advertising their services but in Krackow, they had quite a few to choose from. I used the services of Monika again on my last night in Krackow and this time I booked her for three hours. She actually stayed for five hours so obviously I was very generous in the gratuities stakes.


Dare I mention anything about the tourist side of things? Well, just a few lines. A must is a trip to Auschwitz for obvious reasons and there are lots of other nice places to visit. There ia nice big square in the middle of Krackow and the atmosphere there is very nice and relaxing and there is a definite feel-good factor as there usually is in old European cities. That’s enough about being a tourist. Now I need to tell you about an incident which was brought about by being too drunk and having an idiot for a mate (I love him really).

In the main square in Krackow you will be approached by many beautiful girls trying to persuade you to visit their particular lap-dancing club. We were getting so pissed-off by these girls, I told my mate to just say ‘no thanks’ and just walk on. Trouble is, he is not very escort savvy and would insist on getting into conversation with them which was becoming particularly tiresome. We decided that there was no chance of us ever going into one of these establishments as we new it would be a total rip-off. Oh no. We had better ideas on how to get relieved of our hard-earned cash.

My Mate

Now, my mate is the loveliest of guys but he has never really been into the escorts scene in London as have I. In short, he is just not in love with the idea of paying for intimacy with a girl. So, there we were, strolling through the main Square in Krackow after having a nice meal. (Food there is amazing)!!! We were approached by two young Polish girls who said they were taking a short weekend break in Krackow and wondered if we knew of any nice bars. I whispered to my mate: ‘Get rid of them as quickly as possible, as they were just out to see what they could get from two unsuspecting middle-aged English tourists’!!! Then one of them slipped her arm through his and he totally lost all remnants of the little common sense that he has on a good day!!!

Well, I guess you can pretty much imagine what happened next. The girl he was with was hooked up with was about 23, whereas her mate can’t have been much more than 20. My mate is not a bad looking bloke and is well-preserved for his 48 years and he still thinks he can pull birds and not have to pay for it. Now we all know that’s not true. A woman will always cost you money no matter what your relationship is and I don’t in any way mean that as a derogatory statement. It’s just a fact. So, we went to a bar where we had just been and my mate was totally oblivious of me as he appeared to be hitting it off with his Polish girl however, I was just left with the younger of the two who quite understandably had no interest in me whatsoever. She was just texting her mates and grateful for the drinks she was getting from yours truely.

A Sting

I could see from a mile off that this was building up to a sting but was not aware of actually how much it was going to cost me. It’s not like seeing an Asian escort in London where you pretty much know what you are getting for an agreed fixed price. I said to my mate: ‘(for God’s sake, let’s get rid of them, but he was totally enamored with what he, in his naivety thought, was to be a romp in his hotel room later on’). They then took us to a bar which I thought was even more suspicious as they had earlier indicated that they were new in the area.

It was quite a dingy, poorly-lit place with a mean and grumpy looking proprietor. The price of the drinks were astronomical but there was a small dance floor in there and by this time we were pretty pissed and my guard had dropped a bit. Even the young one was dancing with me quite intimately. After spending a fortune on drinks, the girls quite calmly said goodnight and went on their merry way. Now, I’ve been stung before many times and even not got good value for money whilst seeing escorts back in London, but this was my biggest ‘hit’. I awoke in the morning and discovered that these charming young ladies had helped themselves to £630 from my wallet.


Ironically, my mate was nearly out of money anyway and his wallet remained untouched. After all these years of punting, I was still vulnerable to being right royally stitched up!!! I think however savvy you are when it comes to women, they will always have the edge on you because at the end of the day we can’t control ourselves when in physical contact with them. I didn’t dwell on it too much as I didn’t want it to spoil what had up until then been a great week.I just put it down to experience and hoped that I would have the common sense to not allow it to happen again in the future. Oh, I forgot to mention, one night after I had said goodnight to my mate I thought I would check out one of the Gentlemen’s clubs that were being touted by many girls in the main Krackow Square. As I was about to enter one, a group of about six English guys were exiting and told me not to go in there as it was a total rip-off. No surprise there then, so I took their advice and returned to my hotel for a comparatively early night. I have to say, Krackow is a great place to visit and can thoroughly recommend spending a few days there. My week there was 90% great!!!

So, do you think I learned my lesson? Apparently not. My next port of call was Rio de Janeiro where I booked a nice eight-day holiday by Copacabano Beach. If you’re not bored by my ramblings, please read my next blog and I’ll give you the low down on what to do and what not to do which may or may not help you if you decide to go to this fascinating place. Thanks for reading. See you again soon with my Rio blog.

Cheers, Johnny.

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